MILM – Learning to say No!

[sidenote: I apologize this didn’t go out on Monday! It has been a very hectic week for James and I]

Do you have a hard time telling your in-law No? Or does your sig other have a hard time telling their parent No?

I love telling my in-law No.  I’m not like a little kid who says No to everything, I just say it where it’s needed. “Want to go to the fleet market?” No.  “Want to go hear this blues band play?” No.  “You should really invite my dentist to your wedding.” NO! [ah hah true story.]

James on the other hand has no idea what the word No means.  He’ll usually say to her, “ah….maybe we can” or “Um we’ll think about it, talk it over.”   … It’s kind of annoying.

Back Story: So I guess when James’ two other cousins got married, their honeymoon was also the huge family vacation [WTF?!]   So just recently my MIL told James that after our wedding the whole family decided they are going to have a family reunion up north and we should really come.  What was James’ response? “Yeah maybe we’ll think about it.” [again…WTF?!]  So when James told me that this was our conversation:

James: “So yeah mom said they’re having a family reunion up north after our wedding…”
Me: “Oh….well you told her we weren’t going right?” [We have plans to do a little 3 day get away]
James: “Ah….I told her maybe and that we’d think about it…”
Me: [trying not to freeeeeak out] “UM…do you want to go?! what about OUR little get away we’re planning?!”
James: “No I don’t want to go…”
Me: “then why didn’t you just tell her no?!”
James: “I don’t know….”

At which point, I kind of freaked out a bit.  Okay, I had a bit of a meltdown. I couldn’t help but think, how can this man not have a backbone when it comes to his mother?! But I did okay, I kept in my angry feelings, waited until I had calmed down and we talked about it.  I told him how it was concerning to me that he didn’t stand up to his mom and just tell her no and that it really bothered me.  He understood where I was coming from and said he would do better in the future.  Worked out pretty good if you ask me 🙂

The next time I saw my MIL she brought up the reunion again and James and I both told her No.  She counter-offered, “Well I’m sure Grandma and Grandpa would get you your own condo to stay in, you wouldn’t have to share with anyone.”  [in that case…..no just kidding. No!]

We told her No again, but something tells me this isn’t the end of it.

 

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Posted in Advice, Mother-in-Law Monday

Beginning of MILM!

4 Types of “Evil” Mother in Laws: Molder, Meddler, Ice Queen, Babyer.

Welcome to Mother-in-law Monday! [MILM]  I decided I wanted to start doing ‘In-law’ posts every Monday   When I told James about it, he gave me this unapproved look and said, “Soo what? You’re just going to bash my mom every Monday ”  I told him no.  That’s not what this is about.  Yes I will share some of my crazy MIL stories, but I also want to touch on how to handle those situations, and hopefully some of you readers can share your in-law stories and I can give advice if needed too!

I guess when it boils down it could be worse.  My MIL doesn’t hate me, she loves me. Her and James get along fine too.  She does have her moments, where she’s unreasonable,  crazy, sassy, holds grudges. It’s fantastic. [sarcasm]  She also likes to do this thing where she ‘throws her money around’ to see if it’ll help her get what she wants.  No she’s not rich, and she’s not poor, she’s just…odd.

For example, with our wedding.  She has these really “great” ideas. Like on the morning of the wedding we should run down to the farmers market and pick out my wedding flowers instead of getting our hair done and getting ready for my wedding. She also is very opinionated on what kind of flowers I should get, has told me that I’ll regret having colored flowers, and not an all white bouquet.  That I’ll regret having cupcakes and not an actual cake.  That I should have gotten a band, not a DJ. She doesn’t like my choice of centerpieces, doesn’t understand why we’re getting married in a Lutheran church, [did I mention I’m Lutheran?] The list literally goes on.

But let’s get back to the ‘throw money around’ thing. I think one of my favorite examples is the rehearsal dinner fiasco.  See she’s paying for the rehearsal dinner and is in love with this Irish Pub.  Well this particular pub, I’ve eaten there once and I was so sick after, I was in and out of the bathroom the whole night and next day. Long story short, she wanted to have the dinner at the Irish Pub, and I didn’t.  So I talked it over with James, and he agreed with me that we would have it somewhere else.  Well that was NOT good enough for my MIL she yelled, she pleaded with James, she went behind my back, had ‘private’ conversations with James where he “wasn’t to tell me” [uh duh, he did] and things got ugly.  But James and I stuck together, we talked things over, we agreed, and we told my MIL that in the end we were going to have the dinner where we wanted it, and if she didn’t like it, she didn’t have to pay for it.

Well things ended really good.  No joke they did! She agreed, apologized [didn’t actually say sorry but apologized in her own way] said she didn’t want to start out our marriage by having a bad relationship with me.  And we are now having our dinner where we want. 🙂  Have you found yourself in a similar situation? Let’s hear it! And if you ever find yourself in this kind of a situation, stay calm, talk things out with your man [or woman] and hash these things out together. It really will work out in the end!

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Posted in Advice, Mother-in-Law Monday

Moving Week!

movingMoving week is fast approaching for James and I. We are moving this weekend into a duplex from our tiny little apartment! I am so excited. Although I’m not looking forward to cleaning and packing, I just want to move and unpack and be at the new place! This will be the second time James and I are moving somewhere together.   The first time was a year ago when we moved from our college town, to our current town.  That was a bit of a cluster.  I had to work all week and James had to do ALL the packing.  Sweet deal? Not so much, when we unpacked it was a giant game of hide and seek.  He didn’t label any of the boxes and had ‘mixed items’ in boxes.  For example, one box had pots and pans, hangers, and bathroom supplies.

I’m looking forward to doing most of the packing because, I think I do it better 🙂 I’ll be doing most of the moving too because James has to work and I took the week off.  But that’s good because I like my ‘moving system’ better than his.  James likes to unload everything in the garage first, and then move it into the house.  Whereas I want to move it into the house, and the room that particular box belongs in, right away.  Do you or your significant other have a certain moving system?

Although James and I have lived together for about 2 years now, some couples don’t move in together until they are engaged, or even newlyweds.  Here are some tips for couples moving in together, courtesy of Popsugar.

Click here for moving tips!

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Posted in Moving

Sassy Pants Marie

Today I was at work having lunch with my co-workers in the breakroom.  My one co-worker, Emily, had forgotten a fork and asked if there were any in the breakroom [there usually isn’t].  My other co-worker says, “Actually there is! The big trident fork is in here.” [no lie, this fork is gigantic!] So Emily asks, “where is it?” And I responded automatically, “In the drawer, where it belongs” with enough sass to fill a football stadium.  Of course all my co-workers made fun of me, but that’s when it hit me.

Crap, I say that A LOT. And not just to anyone, but to James.  And all I could think about was how many times he couldn’t find something and would ask me where it was.  I would always respond, “in such and such place, where it belongs.” It made me realize how much those words must sting. Saying, where it belongs, is just like saying, duh you should know that or are you stupid? It’s where it’s always at. The last thing I ever want is to make James feel stupid.

I know how annoyed I get with him when he constantly asks me questions, or over worries about things.  So I can imagine he probably gets annoyed with my sassy, ‘where it belongs‘ comment. I should probably work on not saying that, and not being so sassy all the time.  Geeze, I wonder what else I have to work on?

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Posted in Reality Check

“Courage means …

“Courage means to keep working a relationship, to continue seeking solutions to difficult problems, and to stay focused during stressful periods.”
Denis Waitley

Ever wake up one day and realize, ‘Aw crap, there is no happily ever after’ It happens to all of us.  Just because there is no ‘happily ever after’ doesn’t mean you can’t live in your relationship happy. You just gotta work at it.

This blog is about how James & Marie [that’s me!] make it work. Through the super happy over the moon times, the average times, and the ungodly ugly times.  This isn’t going to be a ‘look at us! we are soo happy!’ blog.  This is a down to earth, truthful, nittry gritty blog.  Some entries will show just how crazy James will make me, and just how irritating I can be. But we’ll get to that in a bit 😉

James and I are a midwestern couple in our early 20’s.  We both just graduate from college and are starting out in our careers. We are currently engaged and about 3 1/2 months away from our “walk down the aisle.” So welcome, put your feet up, sit back, relax, and let’s see how James and I can make it work.

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Posted in Reality Check

Engagement photo of James & I

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