MILM – Learning to say No!


[sidenote: I apologize this didn’t go out on Monday! It has been a very hectic week for James and I]

Do you have a hard time telling your in-law No? Or does your sig other have a hard time telling their parent No?

I love telling my in-law No.  I’m not like a little kid who says No to everything, I just say it where it’s needed. “Want to go to the fleet market?” No.  “Want to go hear this blues band play?” No.  “You should really invite my dentist to your wedding.” NO! [ah hah true story.]

James on the other hand has no idea what the word No means.  He’ll usually say to her, “ah….maybe we can” or “Um we’ll think about it, talk it over.”   … It’s kind of annoying.

Back Story: So I guess when James’ two other cousins got married, their honeymoon was also the huge family vacation [WTF?!]   So just recently my MIL told James that after our wedding the whole family decided they are going to have a family reunion up north and we should really come.  What was James’ response? “Yeah maybe we’ll think about it.” [again…WTF?!]  So when James told me that this was our conversation:

James: “So yeah mom said they’re having a family reunion up north after our wedding…”
Me: “Oh….well you told her we weren’t going right?” [We have plans to do a little 3 day get away]
James: “Ah….I told her maybe and that we’d think about it…”
Me: [trying not to freeeeeak out] “UM…do you want to go?! what about OUR little get away we’re planning?!”
James: “No I don’t want to go…”
Me: “then why didn’t you just tell her no?!”
James: “I don’t know….”

At which point, I kind of freaked out a bit.  Okay, I had a bit of a meltdown. I couldn’t help but think, how can this man not have a backbone when it comes to his mother?! But I did okay, I kept in my angry feelings, waited until I had calmed down and we talked about it.  I told him how it was concerning to me that he didn’t stand up to his mom and just tell her no and that it really bothered me.  He understood where I was coming from and said he would do better in the future.  Worked out pretty good if you ask me 🙂

The next time I saw my MIL she brought up the reunion again and James and I both told her No.  She counter-offered, “Well I’m sure Grandma and Grandpa would get you your own condo to stay in, you wouldn’t have to share with anyone.”  [in that case…..no just kidding. No!]

We told her No again, but something tells me this isn’t the end of it.

 

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Posted in Advice, Mother-in-Law Monday

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